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Three Indians...An hilarious story in yiddish [thanks to Mel Oshins and Steve Wasser]. An English translation appears below. It begins: One upon a time there were three indians...
A mul is gaven drei Indians - der Tatte, Geronowitz, die Mutter, Pocayenta, und di tuchter, Minnie Horowitz. Ain tug is Minnie Horowitz gekummen aheim und gezukt tzu Pocayenta, "Mamma, ich vill hairaten". Zukt Pocayenta, "Gut, siz shoin tzeit; du bist yetzt an alte moid, sekstzin yur alt. Ver iz der bucher?". Zukt Minnie Horowitz, "Oy, Mamma, hob ich getruffen mita bucher! Haich un heldish, azoy shein, azoy shtark!". "Un vos iz zein nommen?" "Er hayst Sitting Bullvon". "Un vos far a yiches hot er?". "Oy, er hut a grosser yiches. Zein tatte, Mishuggene Ferd, is der gantzer macher fun alle die Shvartz-fuss leite".
Zukt Pocayenta, "Gut, mir vellen hubben a groisser chassena - OY VAY IS MIR!". "Vus is der mehr?". "Mir hubben ain tzore.". "Vus iz der tzore?" "Die tzeepee iz nit gross genug tzu halten alle die gasten fun die chassena, alle die Shvartz-fuss und die Shmohawks, und die gantze mishpuche."
Shreit Pocayenta tzu Geronowitz, "Geronowitz! Shtait uff dem tuchess, und gay krigen far mir a buffalo!".
Zukt Geronowitz, "Far vus vilst du a buffalo?." "Mit der fleish fun der buffalo, ken ich machen a gut gedempte buffalo tzimmes, und mit die peltz, ken ich machen gresser die tzeepee, und mir vellen kennen anladen die gantze velt tzum chassene".
Arois is gegangen Geronowitz. Ain tug hat passiert, tzvei tug, drei tug, un nicht kain Geronowitz. A vuch mehr passiert, kumt a haim Geronowitz mit gurnisht in die hent. "Shlemiel! Vie is mein buffalo?" schreit tzu ihm Pocayenta. "Die in dein buffalo tzimmes! Ich hub aich baide in bud!" "Far vus? Vus iz der mehr?"
"Der ershte tug hub ich gezehn a buffalo,
nisht gut genug far die tzimmes, nisht grois genug far die tzeepee. Die tzvayte tug, hub ich gezehn anander buffalo, grois genug, uber mit a farfoite peltz - aza mieskeit fun a buffalo, hub ich kain mul nisht gezehn.
A pur mere taig, hub ich gefinnin a buffalo - shain, shmaltzedik, grois! A poifect buffalo.". "Un nu? Vuden?" "Vu den? Ich hub gegangen tzu shechten dem buffalo. Ich hub gekukt in mein tasch, un du vaist vus? Nahr vus ich bin! Ich hub genemmen mit mir die milichdik tomahawk!"
English Translation, thanks to Mel Oshins.
...Once upon a time there were 3 Indians - the father, Geronowitz, the mother, Pocayenta, and the daughter, Minnie Horowitz. One day Minnie comes home and says, "Momma I want to get married."
"Good it's time, your already 16 years old, you are an old maid." "
"Where is your boyfriend?"
"Oh momma did I get a guy. He is handsome and strong."
"What is his name?"
"His name is Sitting Bullvon."
"And what kind of a future does he have?"
"Oh, he has a great future. His father is Crazy Horse, the chief of the Blackfoot tribe."
"Good we'll have a big wedding." "OH! MY GOD!"
"What's the matter?"
"! have trouble."
"What kind of trouble?"
"The Teepee is not big enought to hold all the relatives & guests at the wedding."
Pocayenta yells to Geronowitz, "Get off your ass and bring me a Buffalo."
"Why do you need a Buffalo?"
"With the meat from the Buffalo I can make a Buffalo stew and with the skin I can make the Teepee larger and I can invite the whole world to the wedding."
Geronowitz leaves and one day passes, two days pass, three days and there is no Geronowitz. After a week, Geronowitz comes home with nothing in his hands.
"Idiot! Where is my buffalo?"
"You and your Buffalo Stew! I have both of you in hot water!"
"Why? What is the matter?"
"The first day I saw a Buffalo, not good enought for the stew and not big enough for the tent. The second day I saw another Buffalo, big enough but with a mangy skin. Such an ugly Buffalo I have never seen before. One more day, I found a Buffalo. Beautiful, Fat enough, BIG A perfect Buffalo!"
"So? What happened?"
"What Happened? I went to carve up the Buffalo, I looked in my bag and you know what? What a numbskull I am! I had taken with me the Milichidik (Dairy) Tomahawk."
[Sounds much better in Yiddish.]
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